How to Say No to Family Asking for Money

"May extra money ka ba diyan? Pautang naman."

Sick and tired of getting a request to loan money for the nth time? Wondering how to say no when someone asks to infringe money?

What makes this situation tricky is that it's difficult to say no to someone dear to yous, despite your best efforts non to intendance about what people retrieve of you lot. But at the same time, you don't want to compromise your ain finances.

Utang is part of the Filipino civilization, so much that the percentage of adults with outstanding loans increased to 33% in 2019 from 22% in 2017, based on the 2019 Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas Fiscal Inclusion Survey. Of those with loans, 44% borrowed from informal sources, particularly family unit and friends.^[1]

In other countries similar Australia and New Zealand, family disputes stemming from unpaid loans fifty-fifty reach the courts. That'south rare in the Philippines.

Table of Contents

• What Makes Lending Coin so Awkward?
• How to Say No When Someone Asks to Borrow Money
  • one. Keep Your Financial Status Private
  • 2. Consider Your Relationship with the Borrower
  • 3. Don't Exist Pressured Into Saying Yeah
  • 4. Just Tell Them You Don't Loan Money
  • v. Practice Maxim No
  • 6. Listen and Empathize
  • 7. Requite Yourself Time to Think of an Appropriate Response
  • 8. Be Clear Most Your Priorities
  • 9. Explicate Your Financial Situation Honestly and Calmly
  • 10. Offer to Help in a Different Mode
  • 11. Stand Your Ground
• Final Thoughts

What Makes Lending Money and so Awkward?

When money gets into a relationship, things are leap to go weird and awkward. Money is considered a sensitive and intimate field of study for a lot of people. That'due south why people don't normally go into specifics about their financial situations, how much money they take saved, and how much money they owe.

So once you lend coin to a friend or a family member, your relationship with that person too changes, whether you like it or not. They may feel indebted to you in more means than one. Knowing that, it tin can as well give you a sense of power over them. In brusk, you're now a kind of loan officeholder too, aside from their best friend, cousin, niece, or nephew.

And because information technology's a friend or relative you're loaning the money to, there's really no guarantee that they'll pay you dorsum for information technology. No matter how well yous retrieve you know someone, at that place may withal be surprises or secrets when it comes to how they handle their money.

How to Say No When Someone Asks to Infringe Money

Information technology can exist tough to say no to lending money, especially if it'south someone who's really in demand of information technology. Just at that place are guilt-complimentary means to practise information technology. Hither are some suggestions to consider.

ane. Keep Your Financial Condition Individual

Virtually of the time, friends and family members come to you for money considering they know yous tin beget to lend it to them. How? They see your online purchases, your food cravings from different restaurants, and your quick weekend getaways at beautiful boutique hotels on your social media accounts all the fourth dimension. Since you await so financially comfortable, surely you can spare a few thousand pesos for someone in need, too?

If you don't want to be in these people'southward radar whenever they're facing cash emergencies, avert sharing too much near your finances and your lifestyle. No ane needs to know how much coin you make, where you invest it, and what you spend it on. Keep your finances private so that friends and family won't be nether the impression that getting a loan from you lot is already a given.

ii. Consider Your Human relationship with the Borrower

When yous receive a call or a message from someone borrowing money, i of the commencement things you should consider is your relationship to that person. Your response will depend on how close you are to this person and how long yous've known each other.

If it's someone you lot barely spoke to at your previous chore, or but an online associate, it's very easy to say no and be direct near it.

But if it'due south a sibling, a cousin, or an aunt that you're actually close to, that'southward a different thing. Yous need to consider your words so as not to hurt their feelings and put a strain on your relationship as well.

3. Don't Be Pressured Into Saying Aye

Earlier you can really say no to any loan coin asking, it'south important to beginning sort out your feelings about it.

While it's considered selfish and a little as well harsh to decline to help loved ones financially, you're in no mode obligated to give in to whatsoever asking that's against your will. Information technology's your hard-earned money we're talking nigh—whether you can afford to lend coin or not, information technology'due south your call how you lot apply it.

The pressure often comes from the need to repay one's utang na loob, fear of confrontation and beingness badmouthed, or the Filipino's innate generosity. Sometimes, the people who endeavor to borrow money are the ones pushing y'all to brand a quick—and favorable—conclusion by creating a sense of urgency.

Expect that in nigh cases, money borrowed past family unit and friends are likely to be never paid back—no affair how much they assure yous that they'll return the cash. If you're on a tight budget, lending coin is merely non an option.

4. Just Tell Them Y'all Don't Loan Money

Personal finance practiced Fitz Villafuerte gives a sensible slice of communication: Tell them betoken-bare that as a personal rule, you don't lend money to friends^[two] (or relatives, whichever is applicable). Such statement is direct yet doesn't pass judgment to the person.

Delaying your response or beingness wishy-washy about it won't assist. Neither does getting them seenzoned on Facebook and hoping they'd get the hint.

Read more: 9 Salary Loans to Consider for Fiscal Emergencies

5. Exercise Saying No

From a psychological perspective, you tin train your mind to make saying no a habit when someone asks y'all a favor, especially if you're naturally a people pleaser who ever say yeah.

Research shows that planning and rehearsing your response earlier you lot receive a request allows you to respond in a manner that's consistent with what you lot originally intended, similar proverb no to a friend who keeps asking for money.

Come upwards with a default non-committal response (east.g., "Lamentable, I tin't loan coin to you lot this time." or "Pasensya na, medyo tight talaga ang budget.") and do saying it earlier you're confronted with a request to borrow cash.

vi. Listen and Empathize

It'southward a different affair when someone close to y'all comes up and asks for your help. Give your family fellow member or friend the benefit of the dubiousness—they may be really in a serious financial trouble.

Heed intently, be genuinely concerned, and show that yous're trying your best to understand the situation—without promising or committing to annihilation.

This fashion, you make the person feel you aren't disregarding his or her feelings. Besides, having a articulate picture show of the circumstances that have led to the need to borrow will enable you to help without having to loan money to your family unit or friend.

Read more: Emergency Loans and Other Convenient Means to Borrow Money

vii. Give Yourself Time to Recollect of an Appropriate Response

Depending on the human relationship y'all take with the person, an outright "no" may cause tension betwixt you and your family or friend.

Later on listening to the person, tell them that you'll demand some time to check your budget and assess your finances. Give it around one to iii days—this is plenty time for you to recall of a expert response and for the person to figure out other ways to obtain money.

8. Be Clear Nearly Your Priorities

Information technology's much easier to say no if you know your financial priorities—like saving up for your child'due south education or a home or machine buy—than if you aren't sure about the things that matter to you.

Keep your own finances your priority—and be firm about it. After all, you tin't help others financially if you can't even sort out your ain finances.

nine. Explain Your Fiscal Situation Honestly and Calmly

When you explain your decision, be honest and assertive virtually your reasons for turning down the loan money request. Just be calm too—avoid speaking in an angry tone, no matter how exasperated yous are with the person or situation.

Let your friend understand your financial situation and goals, and how lending coin may not fit into the picture. Yous tin say, "I'd really love to help you lot, but I'm on a tight budget right now, just similar you. Sorry, I can't beget to lend yous money right now."

Such a response doesn't requite much detail but clearly states your point without hurting someone's feelings. If that person is really close to you, they volition understand and will not hold grudge against you.

No need to overexplain. Sharing more details than necessary might make the person feel that you think he or she tin can't handle a refusal.

10. Offer to Help in a Different Fashion

Can't afford to back up your loved ane financially but you actually want to aid? You can practise so without shelling out greenbacks. Sincerely offer non-monetary assistance. This is a groovy way to soften the impact of rejection and help the person go less reliant on fiscal assist from family unit and friends.

Here are some ways to support family or friends who try to infringe money:

• Assistance them observe a raket or side business. Or share any opportunity or thought you know that lets them earn extra income
• Tell them to get a low-interest personal loan that allows them to infringe coin at a low price. If you have extra time, you can aid them in preparing the document requirements or enquiry anything they need to know to qualify and get canonical for a loan.
• Back-trail them in finding and applying for scholarships, grants, and other forms of financial help from different entities for their specific financial need.
• If they're ever brusk of cash and tin't seem to go their finances in social club, offer to help review and track their budget.

Read more: Need Cash? Check These Options for Easy Loan Awarding in the Philippines

11. Stand up Your Basis

What if your family and friends keep pestering y'all? No matter what, exist firm with your determination. Reiterate what you've said to permit them know that you lot've fabricated up your mind and in that location's no changing information technology. They'll understand and respect your conclusion.

If they react negatively, don't hesitate to allow them know how they're making you feel. Tell them that you lot value your friendship or relationship. However, their deportment are making you lot experience uncomfortable, stressed, or unhappy fifty-fifty if you've made it clear that you won't be able to loan coin. People who truly love you lot care about your feelings and wouldn't want to hurt you.

If they still won't back downwards, merely let things be, focus on the proficient, and motility on. The situation may have cost your human relationship. But at least yous aren't stressing over collecting a debt or running short of budget.

Final Thoughts

When declining to loan money to friends or family members, never feel guilty nigh it. You have your own needs and priorities to take care of. Can yous bear touching your kid's tuition fund or your family's food budget, for instance, just because you lot tin can't say no to a friend?

Refusing to loan money isn't existence selfish. You lot aren't helping people by lending them money. It only teaches them to exist more financially dependent on others instead of helping themselves.

Sources:

• ^[1] 2019 Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas Fiscal Inclusion Survey
• ^[2] Handling Friends Who Borrow Money

Venus is the Head of Editorial Content at Moneymax, with 15+ years of experience in digital marketing, corporate communications, PR, and journalism. She invests in stocks, mutual funds, VUL, and Pag-IBIG MP2. Outside of work, she'south crazy about cats and Korean dramas. Follow Venus on LinkedIn.

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Source: https://www.moneymax.ph/personal-finance/articles/how-to-say-no-loan-money

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